Mridul Wadhwa: Experiencing Sexual Violence and Her Trans Journey

Trigger warning: This blog discusses abuse, violence, and discrimination, it can be triggering for some listeners and readers.

Mridul Wadhwa is the Chief Executive Officer at the Edinburgh Rape Crisis Center. She grew up in Pune, India, as a trans child and trans woman until she was 27 years old and until she had transitioned. After she had turned 27 she moved to Scotland and worked in the Violence Against Women sector. During her childhood, there were moments of violence and harassment, but there were also some beautiful moments that shined through these dark ones.

Having grown up in India there are joyful memories of home for Mridul, such as living close to a Fire Temple and a Synagogue and climbing the mango trees to eat fresh fruit. These good memories are not forgotten but they also do not overshadow the traumatic memories either. Mridul came from a family of interfaith, which was taboo when she was a child, despite this her mother’s side of the family accepted her father. Over the course of a few years, this became a controlling relationship, one of domestic violence. In spite of having to witness domestic violence at home, for Mridul it was a safer environment than the outside world.

What is it like growing up trans in India?

At home the violence the Mridul experienced was predictable; on occasion, it would not happen as her father worked outside of the city, but outside it was unpredictable. Being a transwoman, a trans child, was not something that you could be open about in India. Despite Mridul not being open about her gender identity, she did still express herself, and even this act had caused her to experience violence.

When Mridul was a child, she had attended an all-boys Catholic school, it was at this school that she experienced a great deal of violence. At school, she was subjected to verbal and physical abuse, but as she grew older she experienced sexual violence and sexual abuse.

Being transgender, whether you are a transman, woman, or child, comes with a different type of treatment. When you are a transwoman and you play with dresses or dolls as a child it is seen as being cute and innocent, but you are expected to grow out of it. Not being able to meet this expectation would bring anyone a feeling of shame or guilt as that is not conforming to societal norms. For Mridul, she did not feel excluded in her home, her parents did not actively tell her to be someone wasn’t, but she was denied opportunities and she was denied experiences as she was not considered masculine.

What was the impact of violence in her life?

When you experience violence as a child, there are numerous ways that it can impact you as an adult. In the case of Mridul, there were positives, she became compassionate and being able to recognise when a person is on a journey out of a violent situation or remains in one. It is through our own experiences with violence that we are able to recognise the different journeys everyone is on, and how those journeys differentiate depending on the gender of the individual.

As a trans woman having experienced domestic violence and sexual violence you are not always fully aware of who is not violent and who can become violent. Additionally having worked in the Violence Against Women sector, Mridul was able to understand that many women in Southern Asia and in the UK are taught that men outside of the home are dangerous.

By being taught this from a young age women have to assess the risk factor of the men they are speaking to. In every relationship or potential relationship that we find ourselves in we have to assess if this man will be violent towards us. For Mridul, She had to assess whether a man or a woman would be violent towards her and when you are trans something changes in with this risk assessment.

When another individual comes to the realisation that they are trans they reveal themselves at a quicker rate. As there is this stigma that gives people from different societies a license that justifies it being okay to be violent to a trans person. Having experienced violence from an early age Mridul is able to figure out who is a safe person to associate with and who is not.

Although this recognition seems like a benefit it does stem from trauma. Part of having to overcome trauma, especially that coming from violence, is trying to manage dissociation or disconnecting from a stressful situation. We still live in a world where we can experience violence at varying degrees from anyone, from a stranger on the street to a family member waiting for us at home. A coping mechanism that is taught through these situations is to dissociate from the situation. As we grow older we need to learn to handle these types of situations better, we need to remain grounded.

Inflicting abuse and violence on other people is a way that people try to gain power and control. Experiencing domestic violence as a child is a traumatic experience, and experiencing further violence and abuse, whether it is physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual, can have a lasting impact on an individual.

Regardless of whether we are cis or transgender we need to find ways to better ourselves as people and teach others not to harm anyone regardless of their gender identity. Once we teach others from an early age that there is never a good reason to inflict abuse or violence then we can help create change for future generations.

LISTEN TO MRIDUL WADHWA’S STORY ON MASALA PODCAST: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Wk2x7fe79gljPjpigLAEI

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