Pragya Agarwal: Motherhood and Pressure
Doctor Pragya Agarwal has gained success throughout the years through numerous achievements. Having started her journey by gaining her PhD at the University of Nottingham and becoming a behavioural and data scientist. She later in life became the founder of The 50 Percent Project, which is a think-tank that investigates women’s status and rights around the globe. In addition, she is also an author of four nonfiction novels pertaining to gender and racial biases.
In her early childhood Pragya grew up in India, was the eldest of three sisters, and rebelled against the social norms by not wanting to become a mother. In South Asian culture this is unusual for girls and women, as it is expected that every woman becomes a mother at some stage in their life. Yet this same expectation is not made for men. This societal expectation impacts people at a young age, even in the case of education, but how exactly does it affect life with education?
How does education differ for girls and boys?
When you grow up as a girl in India, it is expected that you make sacrifices in life in order to become the self sacrificing mother. Often becoming this type of parental figure involves not raising your voice, becoming angry, but being tolerant, patient, and never putting your own needs ahead of those around you. Our singular purpose as young girls is to identify as a mother.
In turn this impacts society’s approach to girls in the education system by not making their education a priority. Many girls were taken out of school by their mothers to go and work for other people as girls were not supposed to have an education. Education for boys differed immensely from girls education, in that it was a high priority for boys to get a good education.
For boys education meant becoming financially independent enough to look after yourself and those around you. Whether it was your grandparents, parents, or wife, you were to look after them financially and in no other way. With this obvious difference in treatment between genders comes a later differentiation between men and women in life.
How are gender roles different between men and women?
In many South Asian households violence against women and girls is a common occurance and due to this many are vulnerable to the abuse of men. The men are stronger and parents are aware of this. It is for this reason that men also have more freedom compared to that of women. In society the role of men is to protect women, marry them off, look after the parents. The men are able to make their own in life and if they do not have children that is perfectly fine. It is expected that they prioritise their careers and get far in life.
To understand the role of women in South Asia all we need to do is to look at Bollywood films. Within these films we can see how society wants women and mothers to behave. Our own wishes and desires are not at the forefront, rather we are there to help others achieve their success. The portrayal of the self sacrificing mother would be completely fine if there was not a binary or a type of misogyny attached to the image. Women, who do not want to give up their own hopes and dreams to become a mother are met with harshness from society. Much like how girls who do not want to be given away, or belong to a man are treated differently from their peers.
How are non-mothers treated differently?
As established there is this expectation all women are supposed to achieve in society but what happens to the women who choose their own path? Over the past few years there have been changes in how women behave in society, yet they are not always welcome.
Women who choose not to become mothers are met with one of two reactions, the first being grief, as it is assumed that she is barren. In the eyes of society what other reason could there be for a woman to not want a child other than the inability to have one. With this reaction comes an ostracisation, because if a woman is barren, she is not permitted to attend any ceremonies in the community.
The second reaction is pure confusion, as when it is explained that as a woman you simply choose to not have a child, this is considered strange. We have the organs, we have all the necessities to make a child, so why do we choose not to? The answer many come to with this question is that we hate children. We hate everything soft and pure. But this is not the case, we can love children but not want to have them. There does not need to be these two extremities in society, as you can love your nieces and nephews without needing to have children of your own.
Being a woman in South Asia means being defined by motherhood, it is the identity we are taught to achieve since we are born. Anything other than that is still considered obscure or out of the ordinary. It does not have to be this way for a woman. We are much more than the parts we are born with and we have the choice to use them in life or not. We do not need to be defined as a self sacrificing mother, nor do we need to be forced into playing this role. We are capable of making our own decisions and achieving our own wants and desires in life.
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